When Night Is My Enemy and Day Is My Friend
Observations on the painfully lonely physical and emotional pain that worsens during the darkness of the night
In his best-selling book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis, the former Oxford University English Professor, atheist, and renowned author, observed:
"We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
So often, inner and outer pain worsens at night rather than during the daylight hours.
The sunlight hours speed by in our typical fast-paced day. This flurry of daily routines and other activities lessen our time to focus on our troubles. But night-time seems to magnify all sorts of negatives.
Why?
Daylight hours provide distractions that can more easily insulate us from our physical and emotional pain: television, catching up on to-do lists, family or job responsibilities, social obligations, making or returning phone calls, emails, or texts—and other activities that temporarily buffer our anguish.
At night, the darkness no longer insulates us from the daytime distractions. In the darkness, we are left alone— wide open to experience the raw reality of our suffering— to ponder, to feel agonies that cushion us by taking our mind off our mental instant replays of internal or external injuries.
Time seems to speed up during the day—and crawl like a crippled turtle throughout the night.
With no day-time diversions, night leaves us totally alone in our pain—free from all sorts of insulating activities—to dwell on our torturing heartaches or on our bodily damages.
Throughout our nocturnal aloneness, our minds seem to self-torment ourselves by brooding, non-stop— on making mountains out of molehills, or replaying hurts from others, or other "what-if's."
Why does God allow us to go through the tortures of night-time horrors or somewhat blunted day-light mini-traumas?
In his book, The Problem of Pain, C. S. Lewis offers this insight:
"We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
Okay, so God now has my attention to what he may be wanting to teach me. Even if I'm listening and willing to obey him, my pain is still throbbing—even if I have some ideas of what God's trying to say to me.
How can I make it through another day or awful night with this stinging agony???
1. Distract Yourself Any Way You Can—from Dwelling on Your Inner and Outer Injuries:
God offers reassurance and practical directions for when we face difficult times:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus … whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." —Philippians 4:6-9
Usually, these are helpful words to help us endure. But sometimes, applying God's promises and our best efforts fall far short— positive thinking, Bible reading, and prayer simply don't alleviate our suffering of mental anguish or intense physical pain.
What then?
Many people have found other ways to bear enormous difficulties that so often get worse in the silence of the night. Try experimenting with activities that can distract your constant brooding with your distress. Here are some possible ways to jump-start your thinking about surviving your torments:
- Read and re-read certain Scripture passages that give you hope and courage.
- Watch TV shows or movies.
- Take a walk.
- Pet your dog or cat.
- Soak in a hot bath.
- Call someone to share your raw feelings or encourage them.
- Work on a puzzle, video game, or hobby.
2. Pray Whenever, However You Can, Asking for God's Help—Maybe Saying Something Like This:
"O God, I'm helpless!
My pain, my emotions, and my life are out of control. Nothing I'm doing is working to blunt this awful pain— and it's getting worse.
Only YOU can protect and help me from these terrible night tortures.
So now I turn my unbearable suffering and my life over to YOU—to rescue and guide me in your own ways, in your timetable."
3. Also, Try Saying the Serenity Prayer (Attributed to Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr), Which Is Used in Most 12-Step Groups. As You Pray It, Apply It to Your Specific Circumstances:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference; living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen." (Emphasis mine)
4. Reach Out to Others for Support from Safe, Trustworthy People Who Can Listen to and Comfort You:
Psychologist Dr. John Townsend notes,
"Modern research echoes what the Bible has said for centuries: people who have intimate connections in which they are vulnerable and honest generally live better, function at higher levels, and heal faster than those who are isolated or distant from others. We all need the fuel of love and relationship to continue growing and healing."
Charles Haddon Spurgeon, famous eighteenth-century preacher, underscored the benefits of friendship:
"Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend."
A gentle hug or kind words can help you take a few steps forward.
It can come only from something tangible –someone you can touch, feel, see, and trust. When a person reaches out to express concern for you, you'll experience the awesome gift of God's expression of love towards you.
Centuries ago, the Bible affirmed the value of a good support system:
"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
5. Reach Out in the Midst of Your Anguish—to Encourage Someone Who Needs to Be Buoyed Up
The Bible Teaches:
"Carry each other's burdens." —Galatians 6:2
"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." —Proverbs 11:25
How to Reach Out to Someone Beyond "How Are You?"
Try saying something like:
- How can I support you? ...
- What's been on your mind lately? ...
- Tell me about your day. ...
- Are you holding up OK? ...
- How are you taking care of yourself these days? ...
6. Use Resources, as Best You Can, to Comfort and Boost Yourself:
The Bible, Books, Articles, Listening to CD's, Watching Uplifting TV Shows and Podcasts, Sleeping When You Can, and Indulging in Small Amounts of Comfort Foods.
7. Remind Yourself, Often, of the Saying from Alcoholics Anonymous and Mary Ann Radmacher's Life-Sustaining Quote:
—"This too shall pass."—A.A.
—Courage does not Always roar. Sometimes courage Is the quiet voice At the end of The day saying, I WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW. —M.A. Radmacher
8. Hang On, as Best You Can, to God's Pledge to You:
"… weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." —Psalm 30:5
In your corner,
Jim