Suggested How-To's of Climbing Out of the Pit and Starting Over
Dear Friend,
How I ache for you, dear friend. Very sorry it's been such an awful time. I've been praying for you as you've been fighting the ongoing "mind battles."
Of course, in our worst moments, we (me & thee, & tons of others) revert to past horrific scenes, feel our life is pre-programmed for failure, or feel trapped in our negative circumstances. When we are in this mental "snit" of bubbling resentment and depressing fear, we get mad at ourselves, others, life, and God—and we often throw ourselves a pity party.
I know, too well, all about pity parties— as I've invited myself to many downer isolations and marinated in their dark dumpster for days, weeks—even months— soaking in "poor-me's." For entertainment, I played old tapes of "awful things that have happened or are now happening to "Poor Jim," and how "Poor Jim" can't ever escape the clutches of his past disappointments … or his present letdowns."
So‚—please allow yourself another day or week, or month—to tread water in your smelly dumpster. As you drench in your own sorrow (as I have done so many times), I suggest setting a "Move Out Day"—a day to climb out of your lonely, torturous pit and move on with your life—a specific time to:
- Start healing your hurts,
- Work at rebuilding your life and
- Resuming your "to-do" list.
Believe it or not, this simple "Move Out Day" thinking really works—it's given me:
- Permission to grieve my losses,
- Allowing me to set a period of time for being resentful and depressed,
- Setting a date to climb out of my dumpster—to start over and
- Reclaim my life by setting new goals.
Yes, your childhood and adulthood wounds will always be a sad memory for you. Contrary to the ultra-rosy, false picture portrayed in the media, I don't think "closure" ever happens. You just have to determine to move ahead despite the:
- Stinking manure of past regrets and setbacks,
- The ongoing pressures of the moment, and
- The scary possible scenarios of the future.
Be assured that I will stick closer to you than "white on snow"—in the good, bad, and ugly—and through your life ahead! Because I care about you and believe in you and your positive future.
FYI--My website (drjimstout.com) has some practical recovery tools, strategies, and resources—on various topics, articles, and blogs (depression, anxiety, mood swings, PTSD, boundaries, etc.).
Also, below are a few "encouragements" that may be of help:
Just Fight One More Round!
It happened 120 years ago. On September 7, 1892, James J. Corbett won the first heavyweight championship prize fight in which the contestants used boxing gloves rather than their bare fists. Corbett won the match against John L. Sullivan with a knockout in the twenty-first round.
That's right, the 21st round! (Amazingly, three years earlier, Corbett had to go 27 rounds, boxing with bare knuckles, to defeat fellow hall of famer Joe Choynski).
Besides Corbett's boxing prowess, Corbett had a way with words. When asked how he'd been so successful as a boxer, he replied:
Fight one more round.
When your feet are so tired that you have to shuffle back to the center of the ring, fight one more round.
When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round.
When your nose is bleeding, your eyes are black, and you are so tired you wish your opponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round – remembering that the man who always fights 'one more round' is never whipped.
Some Bible Statements Worth Thinking About:
" … For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." – Jeremiah 29:11
" … I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord, because you are called an outcast, … for whom no one cares.'" – Jeremiah 30:17
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you."—Isaiah 41.10
"I will build you up again, and you will be rebuilt … Again, you will take up your tambourines and go out and dance with the joyful." --Jeremiah 31:4
The Value of Humor in Recovering and Rebuilding:
"Let laughter reign when it comes. It is oil for the engines that rise to challenges and work miracles."—Donald E. Demaray
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries the bones.—Proverbs 17:22
A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. —Proverbs 15:13
All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart has a continual feast. —Proverbs 15:15
On the journey with you,
Jim