Being a Woman of Influence
Suggested Guidelines to Encourage Single Women, Single Moms, Mothers, and Grandmothers to Be Effective Influencers
Background: Gospel of Luke 1:26-55
By Dr. Jim Stout
Even a brief view of human history shows us that women have played vital roles over the centuries in shaping both the young and old people around them. Devoted women have also shaped some of the world's great leaders, who have significantly influenced major historical events.
British Lord Shaftsbury's comment was correct when he said, "Give me a generation of Christian mothers, and I will undertake to change the whole face of society in twelve months."
Most people agree that single women, single moms, mothers, and grandmothers can shape children for good or bad. They can have a positive or a negative effect on their children, grandchildren, and other children.
George Washington's mother was a woman of prayer. Her spiritual influence was evidenced in Washington's character.
Sir Walter Scott's mother loved great poetry and music, and this had a powerful effect on him.
Some of the great men in history have paid special tribute to their mothers. Emerson once remarked that "men are what their mothers make them." John Quincy Adams said, "All that I am, my mother made me." And Abraham Lincoln exclaimed, "All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."
However, differing from these positive influences was the Roman Emperor Nero's mother, a wicked murderess, who had horrific effects on how he treated Roman citizens and others.
The mother of British poet Lord Byron had a similar negative impact on her son. She was a proud, violent woman— and her destructive words and deeds spilled over into Byron's life and writings.
Yes, women can sway children and others in either positive or negative ways. History, current times, and common sense show this.
The purpose of this essay is to focus on the guidelines we can learn on how to influence others— from a specific mother: Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. Not because she was a perfect woman and mother—she had flaws like all women (and men) do. Despite her weaknesses, such as anxiety, worry, and fear, Mary demonstrated some remarkable qualities that can benefit any woman if she acknowledges them and is willing to work at incorporating them into her life. Her life demonstrated the positive difference a woman can make in children, grandchildren, and others' lives.
In Mary's case, she could not do many things for her son. When she and her husband, Joseph, traveled to Jerusalem's temple to dedicate young Jesus, they offered two inexpensive turtledoves as a sacrifice, which was the best offering most poor people could afford.
Joseph was a carpenter and not a wealthy man. He and Mary could not provide for Jesus the expensive toys, vacations, and many of the material things that her son and his siblings might have wanted. Yet, despite her humble status, Mary could do better things for her son than simply supplying him with material "things."
Guideline #1: Mary was attentive to her son's needs. Likewise, today's women need to be sensitive and active in meeting the needs of children and others whom God nudges across their path.
As a newborn infant in a cold, dark stable, that baby boy needed constant attention. Mary cared for Jesus by attending to his needs as best she could—for all of his life.
Yet, not long after his birth, Mary and Joseph had to flee for their lives with baby Jesus to Egypt—where they lived for several years. Jesus needed non-stop personal attention because he was helpless, as most infants and children are.
Even as an adult, Jesus didn't outgrow his mother's concern for him. In Jesus' early thirties, he was so busy teaching and helping others that he didn't have time to eat a meal with his family. Jesus was so preoccupied with meeting the needs of others that Mary feared, along with other relatives, that he was going to have an emotional breakdown, lose touch with reality, or become so over-exhausted that he might even consider ending his life.
Mary and Jesus' brothers grew troubled about his mental stability. In chapter three of the Mark's Gospel, we see what happened:
Jesus went home, and the multitudes again gathered to such an extent that they could not even eat a meal.
When Jesus' family heard of his overburdened schedule, they went out to take custody of him, saying, "He has lost his senses."
Mark 3:31,32 records,
Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you."
A paraphrase of Jesus' response to his mother's and brothers' concern is:
Well, go out and tell them I appreciate their being here and their concern for me. But anyone who does God's will is my mother, brother, or sister.
These words of making anyone who followed God equal to his mother and family must have stung Mary. Nevertheless, she cared enough to stand outside the home where Jesus was teaching and send someone inside to tell him something like, "Go inside and tell my son," 'I'm concerned for you, son. Can I help you?'"
Months later, Jesus was on the cross, dying. It is very difficult to watch an animal suffer. Have you ever watched a pet die? It is excruciating and far harder to watch a baby or child suffer and die.
It breaks my heart to be anyone when they suffer, especially little ones. Clearly, it's unbearable for a mother, grandmother, or single woman to lose a child, relative, or friend.
We've been with a number of mothers as their young or adult children have died. It is awful, and beyond words to describe.
Near the cross where Jesus was nailed was Mary, almost helpless as she watched her son suffer and die on that cross. Maybe once in a while, she might have been able to get up to the foot of the cross, touch his foot, and pray for him. We don't know, but certainly, she was there to emotionally support him through his worst suffering.
Guideline #2: Mary taught Jesus spiritual truths. In similar ways, influential women do this for others whom God guides to them.
How do you think Jesus grasped the Old Testament Scriptures so well that he was quick to quote them? Who do you think taught Jesus about the importance of obeying and honoring his mother and father? Mary (and probably Joseph, his earthly father) taught him.
Remember the time when Jesus was traveling to Jerusalem with his whole family to celebrate the Passover Feast? The Scriptures conclude what happened,
And Jesus went down with them and came to Nazareth, and he continued in subjection to them
After the celebration, his family was several days out of town on their way back home when they discovered Jesus wasn't with them. His mom and dad panicked and went back to Jerusalem—where they found him in the temple, asking questions and teaching. —Luke 2:41-52
Are you moms, grandmas, single moms, and single women teaching spiritual truths to your children, grandchildren, or other children and youth? Are you sharing with them what God has done in your life with them?
You may ask, "Where do I start? How do I do it?"
Begin by sharing your own spiritual journey. Then, in addition to your personal experiences with God, add other spiritual resources. There are all sorts of Christian music and Bible storybooks available online or in stores that you can give them.
You can challenge children and teens to memorize Scriptures—even offer turtles or other rewards, as my Grandma did for me.
You can encourage them to attend Sunday School or Vacation Bible School, pay for their church summer camps, or take them to church with you. You can also encourage them to get involved in youth groups.
You may say, "My children are adults now." Or, "I don't have my own children." Or, "I don't know any children." However, you can still write emails, texts, or letters or send books and tapes.
The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, a young man whom he was mentoring,
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of. Because you know those from whom you learned it and how, from infancy, you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. —2 Timothy 3:14-17
How gratifying it can be when you say such words to those whom you are spiritually guiding.
Guideline #3: Mary prayed for Jesus. Likewise, caring women can pray for children, youth, and adults whom God brings their way.
Jesus's disciples said, "Lord, teach us to pray." How do you think Jesus learned how to pray? Did God simply zap him supernaturally and give him all of his spiritual knowledge? Of course, God could have instantly zapped Jesus with instant religious insights. But Luke 2:52 says, "Jesus grew in his relationship with God." Jesus grew: He sprouted, developed, and matured spiritually.
How did Jesus learn how to pray? Probably Joseph and Mary taught him. Maybe he learned it at the temple. I am convinced that Mary was most likely the key to Jesus' learning how to pray.
She was a woman of prayer. How do we know?
After Jesus had died and then three days later came back to life—for the next forty days he met with, talked to, and greeted over 500 people before he ascended back into heaven. During that unique time, twelve of Jesus' closest followers gathered with him in a room on the second floor of a building in Jerusalem. They dined together and had a prayer meeting.
The Bible describes the scene,
When they had entered, they went up to the upper room where they were staying, that is, Peter and John, James and Andrew, Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew, James the son of Alphaeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas, son of James.
These all, with one mind, were continually devoting themselves to prayer, along with the women and Mary, the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.— Acts 1:13-14
Notice the hierarchical order; Mary was not mentioned first; she was lower on the pecking order. She was a woman of prayer as well as action. As history attests, women of prayer have had incredible influences on their children and on society— no matter how invisible or visible their prayers and influencing actions might have been.
Slave trader John Newton's mother was a godly woman. She prayed every day for him. On her deathbed, it grieved her deeply to turn her seven-year-old son over to God, knowing that she was leaving this life and would be exposing him to a rough, godless world.
Newton's mother never lived to see it, but after many wayward years, her prodigal son came to Christ. Because of his mother's faithful prayers, Newton was able to write the famous hymn Amazing Grace and to tell others about his faith.
For centuries, Saint Augustine, the great Roman Catholic theologian has had profound effects on countless believers. He served as the Bishop of Hippo and founded the Augustinian Order (The same Roman Catholic order from which came Martin Luther, who started the Protestant Reformation).
Augustine had been a morally corrupt man. He flunked out of college and got involved in a cult that grieved his mother deeply. He hung around with morally corrupt men. Then he began dating a young woman, got her pregnant, used her as a mistress, and refused to marry her for a time, even though he was in love with her.
Augustine's mother, Monica, even kicked him out of her home because he refused to obey her guidelines. Can you imagine how his lifestyle and choices must have broken her heart?
But Monica was a woman of prayer, and Augustine knew it. One day she heard that he had a Christian friend who had been trying to talk with him about faith in Christ. So she packed her bags and went to Italy to spend time with her rebellious son. While there, Monica took Augustine to church with her. Amazingly, through the influence of his godly mother's prayers, a friend, and the Scriptures, Augustine gave his life to Christ.
Godly women pray for their children and other people. Single women, single moms, moms, and grandmas— please remember that you can pray anywhere, anytime, anyway. You ask, "What do I pray for?"
Pray for the salvation and spiritual well-being of your child, your grandchild, your friend's child, an adult, or anyone else whom God's Spirit brings to your mind.
You can pray for them and with them:
- a blessing before meals,
- as they head off to school,
- about decisions or courses they should take,
- about people they date,
- for their hurts, temptations, and problems,
- when a pet dies,
- or when their toy breaks.
I'm convinced Mary did this for Jesus—from his birth until his death.
Guideline #4: Mary loved Jesus enough to release him to God's care and protection. Courageous women also need to let go of those for whom they care deeply.
A fascinating quality of Mary's life is that she loved Jesus enough to see him as a gift from God, and, therefore, she was able to set him free from her goals for him—back to God for God's purposes for him.
Unless you can let go of your children, grandchildren, or other people, you can never find the freedom to really love them.
If you are overly controlling your child's life (or someone else's life and future), you will tend to panic that they might fall off the swing, that a car might hit them, that they might lose their job, or that they might marry the wrong person, stray into a life-threatening addiction.
Dread and fear will rule your life if you cling tightly to your dreams for your child. Unless you have given them to God, you will live in a state of anxiety, frustration, fright, or guilt. Hanging on to your plans for your child will produce an overly possessive, overprotective mom, grandma, aunt, unmarried caretaker of a child, or a dangerously risk-taking friend.
The Bible foretold the birth of Jesus. As soon as the angel had announced the upcoming birth of her "miracle" son Mary thanked God for this little one,
In chapter one of Dr. Luke's biography of Jesus records,
God sent the angel (Greek for "messenger") Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin named Mary who had pledged her marriage to Joseph, a descendant. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."
Mary was greatly troubled by his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.
He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob's descendants forever; his kingdom will never end."
"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth, your relative, is going to have a child in her old age, and she, who was said to be unable to conceive, is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail."
"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May your word to me be fulfilled." Then the angel left her.
And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their throne but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as he promised our ancestors."—Luke 1:26-38, 46-55
Mary was willing to be used by God to temporarily bear and nurture Jesus for 33 years, shaping, molding, and influencing him. She recognized her son was only on loan to her. He belonged to God, who would guide and use him for His purposes, and part of God's reasons meant that Jesus would have to go through some very difficult times of testing and suffering.
Ready to deliver her baby, Mary must have been terribly disillusioned after she and Joseph arrived in Bethlehem. God's messenger (angel) had told her that she would give birth to the Savior of the world, the Lord of the universe. Yet, he was born not at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Jerusalem but in a grimy stable in Bethlehem.
Shortly after Jesus' birth, it must have greatly distressed Mary when she and her husband had to take baby Jesus and flee for their lives to Egypt for several years.
All parents want to see their children succeed. It hurts them deeply when their child can't or when that child suffers in some way.
As Jesus launched his public ministry, it must have pierced Mary's heart with the pain that only a mother could know when her dear son had his reputation shredded by being accused of being a friend of tax collectors and alcoholics, a man possessed by the Devil, and a quack faith-healer.
Hundreds of years before Christ, the prophet Isaiah prophesied the coming Messiah would be, "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Besides Jesus experiencing scores of sorrows and ongoing grief, Mary also lived through similar "injuries" as she watched her son being treated so unfairly, so horrendously.
After Mary, Joseph, and little Jesus returned from Egypt, they took Him to Jerusalem to be dedicated in the temple. The elderly Anna and Simeon prophesied that in time Mary's heart would be broken because of Jesus's lifestyle.
Yet Mary was willing to take a silent background role to Jesus' miracles and also to absorb frequent heartbreaks— in order to flesh out the words of John the Baptist (Jesus' cousin): "He must become greater; I must become less."— John 3:30
There doesn't seem to be any evidence in Scripture of Mary ever complaining or lacking faith when Jesus endured such devastating experiences. The Bible doesn't record that she ever lashed out at God. It is hard to believe that Mary could have endured her son's ill-treatment without having, first of all, surrendered her son, Jesus, to God— for his care, his keeping, and his plans.
Perhaps this is why Edgar A. Guest wrote his heartfelt poem, To All Parents:
I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine, He said. For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three. But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return, But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true. And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think your labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call, to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done. For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may; And for the happiness we've known, will ever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
When your children, grandchildren, or other children or adults experience life's difficulties, it can be grueling for single women, single moms, mothers, and grandmothers.
Learning all you can about how to help children, young people, or adults is an essential, never-ending challenge. Along the way, the best way to handle your anxieties, fears, frustrations, and self-blame is to give them up to God—for Him to care for, protect, and guide.
Mary was a caring, influential mother. Do you see yourself in this way? Do others see you this way? Can you echo Mary's words about Jesus for the child or adult whom God has brought into your life?
That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less." —John 3:29,30.
Ladies, you can influence your own children's and grandchildren's lives and futures—as well as those of others. You have the awesome privilege of shaping them emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You can have a positive or negative effect on children (your own or someone else's) or on adults with whom you are in contact.
I salute you!
One day, I yearn for this statement of praise to be said, also of you— as a tender and strong woman of influence. These words were said of a different Mary, Mary of Bethany,
She did what she could!
My wish for you single women, single moms, mothers, and grandmothers is that one day when you stand before the great Son of God whom Mary mothered, He will look you right in the eye, put His arm around you, and say,
Well done, good and faithful servant!
Rev. Leah and Dr. Jim Stout
www.drjimstout.com drjimstout.com www.facebook.com/jimtstout