Gratitude to God for Bob Long, My Closet Friend for 63+ Years
Robert R. Long
May 26, 1941–October 13, 2023
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
—2 Corinthians 5: 17-21
My purpose in sharing this Gratitude to God for Bob Long with you is to:
Publicly thank God for my special friend, Bob Long, and his influence on my life,
Share with you a model, however imperfect, of a long-term, life-changing friendship and
Impart some practical tips on how to develop a friendship that will benefit you— and others.
Yes, I grieve, but not without my solid hope and assurance he is now in heaven with his Friend, Leader, and Savior, Jesus.
Bob Long was a year ahead of me and was instrumental in introducing me to Jesus Christ and then motivating me to turn my life over to Christ. Bob attended high school in Sharon, PA., and was All-State in basketball and football. He could have played either sport at nationally-ranked colleges. Bob played football for Pitt (University of Pittsburgh) and was on the opposite end of the renowned NFL Pro Bowler Mike Ditka.
My friendship with Bob started during my first year at Pitt. I was a newbie; Bob was a sophomore. He and Christian football guard Dick Taylor lived across the hall from me and my roommates. As a freshman football player at Pitt, Bob recruited me to attend weekly meetings of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.
Bob and Jim Circa 2022
Besides Bob, other varsity footballers— Dick Taylor and Chuckie Reinhold, were key witnesses to me as well. Because of Bob's influence in my freshman year at Pitt, I opened my life to Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. Bob's mentoring was key in helping me to grow spiritually.
Starting in the fall of 1960, Bob and I remained closest friends from college. We shared an unending love for stupid, dumb jock jokes and practical tricks, football, boxing, and wrestling, in addition to competing with each other at almost any kind of challenge: shuffleboard, air hockey, wild boar hunting, and other challenges.
When I transferred from Pitt to Miami of Ohio (the "Birthplace of Coaches") after my sophomore year, Bob wrote letters to encourage me and strengthen my relationship with Christ. He guided me in starting a chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes as well as launching other ministries there: bull sessions, Bible studies with students,
As college students, we worked together with Young Life's ministry with teenage gangs for two summers in New York City's Harlem and Lower East Side, where we coached football, wrestling, and boxing.
When Bob and I entered Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in the Boston area in 1965, we roomed together during our first year as students. We probably boxed with each other at least three days a week for nearly four years.
In seminary, we bought and rode motorcycles together and started a vibrant high school ministry that continues today. (In that youth outreach, one of our youth ministry interns finally accepted that Bob and I had a spiritual purpose for using skits and jokes at teenage meetings as a key part of presenting the Gospel to kids!)
That first year of seminary, I had to decide whether to continue our relationship status quo— which others saw as "two close, best friends" who enjoyed similar interests and a few personal struggles, OR —to risk Bob rejecting me due to my flaws.
Rather than contenting myself with a "surface" friendship, I opted to risk losing my best friend so that we could have a deeper friendship. Nervously, I chose to share with Bob some of my home background of severe emotional and sexual abuse and their effects on me.
Bob validated my painful experiences by patiently listening to and affirming my inner hurts. Then, he shared his own battles—with O.C.D. and other struggles. This gutsy openness added a whole new dimension to our relationship, which, over the following years, covered strains on our relationship, marriage, parenting, work, church, and other issues that came up.
Best Man Bob prepares Jim for his wedding to Leah—June 24, 1967
In the last lines of his famous poem, The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost wrote:
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Frost's poem certainly describes the key decision I made about Bob and my friendship—and have had to make a number of times over the past 63 years.
Shenango Valley Triathlon
Through the years, we relished many fun and meaningful things together:
Nearly every week over the last 60+ years, we talked in person, by phone, text, or email —sharing our ups and downs, old and new jokes, books, sports, and political news. And we prayed together by phone or in person countless times.
Shenango Valley Triathlon
We competed with each other in racquetball, handball, and air hockey, went wild boar hunting in the Florida Everglades, ran a half and a full marathon, and did two triathlons together.
Photo to right includes our sons, Jim, Jr,
and Greg, crossing the Shenango Valley
Triathlon finishing line together.
Houston Half Marathon—Circa 1982
We were in each other's weddings.
As couples, we enjoyed vacations to Maui, Alaska, Florida, New England, and other places.
On vacation in Maui searching for Jaws
Our families vacationed together in North Carolina for a dozen+ years.
Bob and I also took a week or two a year for nearly 35 years for "boys' time out" at places like Florida's Daytona Beach Motorcycle Week, the Everglades' for wild boar hunting, and snorkeling in the Florida keys, as well as adventures in Arizona, California, and other places.
Like any friendship (or marriage), we had to deal with upsetting each other from time to time. This meant dealing with issues head-on: confronting, discussing, and forgiving various minefields like racquetball intensity, car use on trips, wild boar hunting expectations, etc.
In the past few years, Bob faced several tough health challenges: while playing pickleball about three years ago, Bob fell backward and fractured his pelvis in three places. At that time, he also began to show signs of cognitive decline.
Two years ago, his mental battles worsened and turned into dementia. He also fell at least six more times. Then, last year, he fell and broke his hip.
Things declined so much that Marilyn had to hold the cell phone up to his ear so we could talk. Sadly, he could no longer read or watch television to enjoy football and basketball games, boxing matches, Bluebloods, and other TV shows.
Obviously, Marilyn couldn't pick Bob up if he fell. So, in September, she made the hard decision to put him in a memory facility, and then, after another fall, he was moved into a senior rehab facility. He couldn't talk, but he smiled. The staff and patients called him "Smiley"! What a positive Christian witness to the end!
For several years, Leah and I grieved over Bob and Marilyn's struggles and losing the quality of our relationship with Bob. A few weeks before his October 13, 2023 death, we were smothered with sadness as we faced the hard reality that Bob's earthly time would end soon. We texted or called him and Marilyn nearly daily during those awful times.
Leah and I flew to Pittsburgh for Bob's November 4, 2023 "Graduation Ceremony" at Bellfield Presbyterian Church—where Bob had served as pastor to college students at Pitt about 50 years ago.
It was a beautiful service, blending sadness, celebration, and, strangely, humor. It was a wonderful tribute to Bob, his faith, and his ministries. There were probably at least 500+ people there. Strangely, it had as much laughter as celebration and sadness.
Please visit the link below if you wish to view Bob's memorial service (including Marilyn's remarks). The eulogy and Marilyn's remarks follow the sermon:
Rev. Dr. Robert Long Memorial Service - YouTube
I will forever be grateful to God for Bob's friendship, encouragement, jokes, and powerful ministry … and for leading me to Christ!
The Value of Friendships
The Man in the Arena by Theodore Roosevelt
The story of David and Jonathan is one of great friendship. Jonathan went to great lengths to protect David from his father Saul, and David looked after Jonathan's children long after he died. Great friends do those kinds of things for each other.
... there was an immediate bond of love between them. Jonathan swore to be his blood brother and sealed the pact by giving him his robe, sword, bow, and belt.—1 Samuel 18:1,3,4
… Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him because he loved him as he loved himself … Jonathan said to David, 'Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord is witness between you and me and between your descendants and my descendants forever.'—1 Samuel 20-17, 42 (NIV)
…At last, Jonathan said to David, 'Cheer up, for we have entrusted each other and each other's children into God's hands forever. So they parted, David leaving and Jonathan returning to the city.'—1 Samuel 20:42
Once, when the Philistines were at war with Israel, and David and his men were in the thick of the battle, David became weak and exhausted. Ishbi-benob, a giant whose spear tip weighed more than twelve pounds and who was sporting a new suit of armor, closed in on David and was about to kill him. But Abishai, the son of Zeruiah, came to his rescue and killed the Philistine.— 2 Samuel 21:15-17 (Living Bible) And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. "Don't be afraid,' he said … The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.'—1 Samuel 23:16, 18
The Benefit of Friendships
Speed Demons: Bob and Jim—2022
Modern research echoes what the Bible has said for centuries: people with intimate connections in which they are vulnerable and honest generally live better, function at higher levels, and heal faster than those isolated or distant from others. We all need the fuel of love and relationships to continue growing and healing.
—Dr. John Townsend
Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend.
—Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Bob and Jim—2021
(Pen drawing of his grandpa and Bob by Owen Stout)
Greater love has no one than this:
to lay down one's life for one's friends.
—John 15:13
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
— Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
—Proverbs 27:17
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
—Hebrews 10:24,25
Please remember:
It's not whether you get knocked down. It's about whether you get up!
—NFL Coach Vince Lombardi